YummY! Down on This

I’ve been working on my 2012 resolutions.

Some of them involve me trying to make more money, because I’m really tired of being poor.

Going to attempt to publish an e-book in 2012.

Thinking about opening a zazzle shop.

Gotta put more effort into my etsy.

Etc

Too bad my real world job is getting in the way of all that I need to do.

I’ve had a hold of this book for quite some time. I would pick it up occasionally, read a paragraph or two, then put it back down again.

I honestly thought I would never make it through the whole thing.

Then I got past Ron’s first chapter, and into Denver’s second, and finally the story grabbed me and refused to let go again.

The book is about Ron Hall and Denver Moore, two men on two very different paths in life.

Ron is a well-to-do, world traveling art broker. Denver is a homeless man who grew up as a modern day slave via sharecropping.

It shows how their lives cross paths, and how each of them changes the other in important ways.

While it is a serious story, the unexpected humor in it would take me by surprise. Like in one paragraph Denver is talking about eaing hogs, and how they ate them all “from the rooter to the tooter” and I laughed out loud, causing me to get a funny look from several of the people in the room with me.

Of the whole thing, I think I liked reading Denver’s part of the story the most. I think I would have be happy if the whole book had been more of his biography, with more stories from his entire life instead of the bits we were fed for this one.

I had to be at work at 5am this morning, which meant being up WAY earlier than my body wants to be up.

It didn’t help that Parker woke up several times last night, so what little sleep I got was broken.

I got off at 1:30.  When I got home I hoped Parker would nap a while longer, since I was told he didn’t lay down until 1.  But he woke right up.

I sat on the sofa with him and was watching Spongebob, and fell asleep sitting up on the sofa.

He didn’t let me sleep long though, maybe 15 minutes.

Then I did FIVE loads of laundry.  And I’m still not done!

I need to go to bed, and want to because I’m so tired, but I keep thinking of things I need to do before I go to sleep.

I think I’m gonna have to blow it all off though.  Either that or prop up my eyelids with toothpicks like they do in cartoons.

In the name of all that is good and right in the world, this NEEDS to be a real sweatshirt so I can buy it and wear it with pride.

I now return you to my regularly scheduled not-posting of stuff.

Goodnight.

I have a secret fear, one that many people might find laughable.

I’m afraid that when I reach my goal weight, more people will like me.  I’m afraid more people will want to be friends with me, and that guys will ask me out.

Yeah, that’s a pretty funny fear, isn’t it.  But I feel justified in it.  Unlike my fear of the dark which is no secret and has no valid excuse.

I’ve always known that the world at large finds obese people to be undesirable.  Skinny girls don’t want fat friends or they will be fat by association.  Guys don’t want other guys to know they date fat girls.

There are exceptions of course, but those exceptions are also a part of my fear.  But I’ll get to that in a moment.

The anonymity of the internet has added fuel to the fire of my fear.  It lets me peek into a window of the lives of people who really dislike the overweight.

Like the mother-in-law who didn’t want her obese daughter-in-law to sit on her “good” furniture in fear she’d break it.
Like the bride who didn’t want her fat friend in her wedding photos.
Like the guy who dumped his girlfriend because she gained a few pounds.

See, right now I’m fat.  I’m morbidly obese, and I have people in my life that love me.  My husband loves me.  My mother in law loves me.  And as far as I know none of my friends would exclude me from their wedding photos (if they all were not already married that is)

But, if I’m thin, how will I be able to tell those who really love ME apart from those who love me….but only if I’m of an “acceptable” weight.

Now, if it is someone who never had the time of day for me while I was heavy who is suddenly my “friend” then I know already.

But what about a total stranger.  Someone meets me for the first time when I’m “thin” and we become friends.  How will I know they won’t ditch me if I re-gain the weight.

Sure, I can show them a picture of me at my heaviest and say, “This is what I used to look like, would you still be my friend if I looked like that again?” and the could say yes, but they could be lying.  People lie all the time.  And the only way you would ever know for sure would be to get fat again and see if they stuck around.

A friend who will ditch you because of your weight, or you looks, or other trivial reasons, is no friend at all.  Its not a person I want to associate with.  But without my obese body as an instant gauge to test the strength of friendship by, how will I know?

So…there’s my secret fear.

I’ve done the bad thing I used to do when doing my calendars. I’ve left most of my squares empty for August. I really lead a dull life not worth writing about.

I also didn’t even get started on making a calendar for September until last night! (the 2nd of the month).  Nothing too fancy.  Acrylic craft paint.  Vellum for the months squares, and collage images from SKIRT! magazine.

I’ve been addicted to “found poetry” for the past few weeks, so it was pretty much written in the stars that it would happen on my calendar.

If you want to see more awesome journal calendars, visit The Kathryn Wheel for other’s calendars.

I apologize for looking sort of frumpy.  Those are my “I’m at home and comfortable and I don’t care if I’m covered with stains” clothes.  I often use them to paint in (betcha coudln’t tell that!)

I’ve gained 2 pounds since the first of last month, but my measurements have stayed the same, except for my arms which either gained half an inch or I’m not measuring in the exact same spot.

That maggots are used for therapeutic purposes?

It is called Maggod Debridement Therapy.  Maggots are used as a natural way to remove dead tissue from wounds that are not healing properly on their own, and that have been resistant to antibiotics and other treatments.  Maggot Therapy can often save an appendage from having to be amputated. 

Now, I knew that leech theraphy existed, but I had no idea that there were maggots being purposelessly put in peoples bodies for medical reasons!  (Has HOUSE ever done this?  If not he should.)

As much of a horror/gore junkie as I can be, I have a very weak tummy when it comes to maggots.  I am pretty much 100% sure that I would willingly loose a body part first.  In fact, I might be inclined to gnaw off my own foot before I would let them put maggots on me, even for my own good.

(WARNING: GRAPHIC MAGGOT YUCKYNESS BELOW!!!)