As a person, on a whole I can be described as short and round. I work with a few guys who are all skinny and all taller than me. One is taller than EVERYONE.
Well, the tall one and one of the skinniest of the skinny ones are both in charge of putting the stock up in “The Back.”
You know “The Back” right? You do if you’ve ever worked retail.
“The Back” is where we keep our magic wands and fairy dust and wishing wells to produce the items that we just told you are out of stock.
“I’m sorry ma’am, we’re out of that right now. We’re expecting a shipment on Tuesday though.”
“Well, can you check The Back?”
“Oh yeah! I forgot that if I go to “The Back” and click my heels together three times saying “there’s no place like retail hell’ then your item will suddenly appear for you along with a handsome single man and a pet gnome that poops dollar coins!”
Wait. What? Where was I?
Oh, yeah, “The Back”
“The Back” does exist, but in our store it only holds seasonal items.
Our “Back” is actually an upstairs, and at christmas I swear I can hear the ceiling groaning under the pressure of all the spare garland and bushes and christmas trees and light up elephants we have up there. (No kidding, we have a light up elephant this year….with a beach ball and a scarf.)
Since its upstairs we have a set of stairs (which I’ve managed not to fall down thus far – knock on wood-) and since no one human could possibly carry all the extra seasonal items up and down those stairs as often as we move them, there is also a conveyor belt to move large and heavy product up and down.
Then, at the top of that conveyor belt is another conveyor belt. This one is not motorized, but it covered with hundreds of tiny rollers. Its also not secure to the floor, so it can be positioned to point at whatever part of the groaning “Back” can hold more items.
Well, today I had to go up there and get down some shelves, and some pegs, and some wire dividers, and a basket or two. As soon as I saw how SMALL the opening between the conveyor and the hardware shelving was I just KNEW that either tall and skinny or just plain skinny had been the last one to use that conveyor belt.
To top it off, I COULD NOT get the darn thing to scoot over, not even half an inch. I had to suck it up, and lift my bottom to roll it over the top of the belt, cause I wasn’t going to get PAST it.
My first thought was “Does this conveyor belt make my butt look big?” My second thought was “That would make a good blog title”
So, here I am, blogging about big buts, conveyor belts, and “The Back” which is really “The Upstairs” and is not a magical land of everything, unless you want garland, christmas bushes, or glow in the dark elephants playing polar voleyball.
All The Little Things
1. Selling ad space on my blog. (Even better if someone actually buys it)
3. Washing machines
4. Bucket of Hate – The home of my nastier complaints about customers and the world at large.