September Calendar

I’ve done the bad thing I used to do when doing my calendars. I’ve left most of my squares empty for August. I really lead a dull life not worth writing about.

I also didn’t even get started on making a calendar for September until last night! (the 2nd of the month).  Nothing too fancy.  Acrylic craft paint.  Vellum for the months squares, and collage images from SKIRT! magazine.

I’ve been addicted to “found poetry” for the past few weeks, so it was pretty much written in the stars that it would happen on my calendar.

If you want to see more awesome journal calendars, visit The Kathryn Wheel for other’s calendars.


September Weigh In

I apologize for looking sort of frumpy.  Those are my “I’m at home and comfortable and I don’t care if I’m covered with stains” clothes.  I often use them to paint in (betcha coudln’t tell that!)

I’ve gained 2 pounds since the first of last month, but my measurements have stayed the same, except for my arms which either gained half an inch or I’m not measuring in the exact same spot.

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Dear Spider,

I don’t like your kind very much.  You’re large and you have too many legs and too many eyes, and your teeth (fangs) are freaking HUGE when compared to the rest of your body.  If you bite me it will hurt like a mo-fo and could possibly kill me.

Seriously, I’d rather not having you hanging around my house.

But if you INSIST on living in the vicinity of my back steps could you at least do me the favor of doing your job?

I mean, you are a big scary bug.  Aren’t you supposed to eat other big scary bugs?

If you’re living on my back porch, then why are you letting all these three foot long palmetto beetles move into my kitchen?

I scratch your back (by not stomping on your scary ass) and you scratch mine (by eating the uber-roaches) okay?!?

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Did you know….

That maggots are used for therapeutic purposes?

It is called Maggod Debridement Therapy.  Maggots are used as a natural way to remove dead tissue from wounds that are not healing properly on their own, and that have been resistant to antibiotics and other treatments.  Maggot Therapy can often save an appendage from having to be amputated. 

Now, I knew that leech theraphy existed, but I had no idea that there were maggots being purposelessly put in peoples bodies for medical reasons!  (Has HOUSE ever done this?  If not he should.)

As much of a horror/gore junkie as I can be, I have a very weak tummy when it comes to maggots.  I am pretty much 100% sure that I would willingly loose a body part first.  In fact, I might be inclined to gnaw off my own foot before I would let them put maggots on me, even for my own good.


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Theft in my Life

Night before last I was laying in bed, after finally putting my book down some time between 2 and 3 am.  I could not sleep, but I was giving it a good try, keeping my eyes closed and watching the white floaters move around in that black space behind my eyelids.

They looked like flying pigs to me then, but transformed themselves into the elephant from Horton Hears a Who.  And somehow my thoughts went from Hoton Hears a Who, to the Goosebumps books I used to read.  More specifically The Werewolf of Fever Swamp.

I was CRAZY about Goosebumps, and was trying to get them all.  At that time it was a very popular series.

I had just bought this one, and had taken it to school with me.  I made the mistake of leaving it unaccompanied by myself, and someone stole it.  I never had any idea who, but it was a lesson to me.  Never leave your stuff alone.

That ended up reminding me of another theft that happened to my stuff at school.

One year my dad had bought me an electronic dictionary.  He knew I loved to write.  He also knew I didn’t spell so well.  And that electronic dictionary was easily the BEST gift I had gotten at that point.

Of course I took it to school with me.

Now, I was not a popular perosn in school.  I was the opposite of popular.  Everyone seemed to either hate me, make fun of me, or not even know I existed.  But when they saw my new “toy” all of a sudden everyone started being nice to me!  Starved for positive attention from people my own age, I ate it up.

I was (am) a little naive, so when one of my new “friends” asked to borrow the dictionary for their next class, I gave it to them.

Needless to say, I never saw it again.  When I asked for it back they said, “Oh, I’m so sorry, but I lost it!”  And, sans gizmo I was reverted to my hated/bullied/ignored status.

I think that was about the same time that I started feeling even more disconnected from other people.  The lesson learned from that one is that people are only nice to you if they want something from you.

In the years since then I’ve had a lot of stuff stolen from me.  $50 from a purse I left at someones house.  Money stolen from my bedroom at home.  Jewelry.  A watch I bought for my husband (just my boyfriend at the time) for christmas one year (we go that one back).  Even every single one of my high school yearbooks.  But I think the one that I was hurt the most by was the loss of that electronic dictionary.

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Chubby Banner Chick

In the Past 24 hours I have found and tried on many different themes, and I’ve yet to find one that makes me happy, so I did the sensible thing.  I spent 3 hours tonight searching before saying, “Screw it” and just using my paint program to make a new banner.

While the adorable goth/punk girls I’ve had in my banners in the past have all shown the inner YummY!, I’m going for a bit of the outer YummY! with this one.  Except I’m not quite that cute.  lol

Meanwhile, I’m reading a book about a woman who has a personal blog, whose job has been turned into basically a gossip blog as well, and it made me think, Holy Hell, I miss blogging.

I mean, I’ve BEEN blogging, but not here.  I’ve been blogging at Gather so I can earn money doing it, which is okay, cause I totally need the cash, but even though I love my friends there, it starts to feel like an actual job after a while, and nobody likes to work, right?

Well, I’m sure SOMEONE out there likes to work.  Surely someone has their dream job and can’t wait to leap out of bed in the morning.  Then again, those people probably make an asston more money than I do.

Speaking of jobs, my husband finally has one.  Sort of.  They’ve told him he was hired, and now they’re waiting on his background check to come through, and for the HR person to get back from vacation or something like that.  In theory he now works in the mens shoe department of belk.  In reality he’s still staying home with the baby.  I want to stay home with the baby!!!!!!

Soooo, its well after midnight now and I need to get off the computer and go to bed, but I wanted to blog this first cause….YEAH BLOGGING!!!!!!


Design Delimma

I’m having the itch to change my theme again, but not finding one to make me happy.

I like a lot of space for text, and a lot of space in sidebars too.  And I can’t find a happy medium between the two.

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Venus Felix (Lucky Venus)

I’ve been going a little insane with my found poetry word collages lately.  They’ve spilled out of my journal onto some 5×7 canvases, and I’ve even tried my hand at doing some actual PAINTING for the backgrounds.

Having several artists assure me that my work doth not sucketh made me almost feel good about my art.  Good enough to put my first couple up on Etsy.

Destination Unkown is selling for $15


Forever, Sin is going for $10.

The two that I have gotten more hands on painting done on are still in the drying process and haven’t been scanned yet.

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Dear Customer,

(Yesterday my very first customer told me “you don’t act like you want to help me, and you’re very unhelpful.  They lady yesterday tried harder to help me.”)

Dear Customer,

Excuse me, but I just told you that without a UPC or SKU I can’t order you the flowers you need for your wedding.  I just told you that without those numbers I can’t assure you the flower that I will pull off the shelf is YOUR flower.  Sure, I can go out there and grab the first purple, brown and cream bush I come across, but we still have fall flowers in the store right now, and 90% of them are purple, brown and cream.

The lady you talked to yesterday lied to you anyway.  We WILL NOT be getting any more of those flowers on wednesdays truck.  Those are FALL flowers, and now we are getting our CHRISTMAS stuff in.  We CAN NOT order them for you because they are SEASONAL items, and we cannot order seasonal items.  If you had the upc or sku, which is on the floer tag AND the receipt, we could see if we could get them from another store for you.  But you have thrown away your tag and your receipt.  And without a upc or sku, we can’t do ANYTHING to help you over the phone because we DO NOT know what the item is that you want.  And no, telling me that you found it on the aisle closest to the floral desk doesn’t help, because the seasonal stuff gets moved around on pretty much a daily basis.

See, you thought the lady yesterday was helpful, because she agreed with everything you said, because that is all people like you want.  You’re pissed because I told you, honestly, we can’t order that for you.  Sure, you’d be much happier if I said, “Sure, I’ll order your purple, brown and cream bushes for you!” but then you’d be even more PISSED when the order didn’t come in.

You accuse me of giving bad customer service, when I’m just telling you the TRUTH.  No, if I were giving BAD customer service I would have done exactly what the girl yesterday did, I would have said, “Yeah, sure we can get that for you!” just to keep you from yelling at me, then I would have hung up the phone and promptly forgotten you existed.  Then you woudln’t have ANY flowers for your wedding because they would not come in, and you woudn’t have time to find something to excange, like you do now.

Maybe next time that is what I SHOULD do, instead of trying to HELP.

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Cut and Paste Poetry

It was a dark and stormy night.

Well, I guess it goes without saying that nights are dark, but it really was stormy, and the electricity popping around outside made sure that I coudln’t be online doing super-important things like harvesting my peanuts on farmville.

“I don’t know how to entertain myself without the internet!” I proclaimed, but my husband was reading a batman comic and didn’t feel my pain.

So, I did what any girl would do in my case…..I grabbed a magazine, a pair of scissors, a glue stick and my brain, and made a mess on the kitchen table.

Okay, maybe not EVERY girl would do that. Probably not any girl would do that because…well…I’m odd.

But I spent the next hour and a half with my magazine, my scissors and my gluestick and worked on one of my funner (to me) hobbies. I made “Cut and Paste Poetry.”

Cut and Paste poetry is sort of like Magnetic Poetry, only messier and it doesn’t usually involve a refrigerator door.

I made two such creations, and informed my husband, “I have the most useless hobby in the world” as I proudly gave him my first work of art to read.

“Is it a hobby?” He asked.

“Well, I’ve done this more than once, that makes it a hobby right?” Then after a pause. “Wait, are you trying to tell me my hobby isn’t a hobby?”

“I don’t know,” he said, “Do other people do this too?”

I told him probably not.

DO other people do this?

Don't Resisit

One Lucky Girl

Meanwhile, after the storm passed I went online and looked for cut and paste poetry, and I found mostly pictures where someone had typed a poem up on the computer then cut it out in strips and glued it to a piece of paper, but nothing where all the words were cut and formed out of an old magazine.